Do you ever feel like you can't say no? Here's how to change that
Hi there, Mom,
Are you a yes gal?
I’ve been thinking about this lately for a few reasons.
One – Sciatica has imposed restrictions on me. I’ve been forced to say no to activities I’d rather say yes to.
Two - Despite my inability to say yes, I feel guilty that I might be letting someone down.
Three – One of my stories in my new devotional book Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World is When Your No Leads to Peace. (Here's a FREE Mother's Day gift just for my readers - A copy of that story, along with questions for reflection, journaling pages, and even a coloring page - When Your No Leads to Peace.pdf)
You see, I’ve been a yes gal for far too long…and it’s cost me far too much.
- At times, particularly when I was in the middle of raising my kids, my yesses wreaked havoc in my relationships.
- A yes to another school commitment I didn’t have time for made me stressed out and cranky at home.
- A yes to more than one social engagement in one evening led me to feeling disconnected and shallow – the very opposite of my yes intent.
- And a yes to one too many ministry commitments left me with little energy to do a good job.
There are a lot of good reasons we say yes. We want to be helpful (hello, enneagram 2s!). We want to be nice, connected, involved. It’s energizing to be social, part of the committee or team, a collaborator. Saying yes to the right things allows us to use our gifts, live with purpose, meaning, a sense of fulfillment. Who doesn't want that?
On the other hand, there are plenty of not-so-good reasons we say yes. People-pleasing, FOMO (fear of missing out), believing we’re valued for what we do not who we are, approval, codependency. These yesses can lead to burn out, frustration, exhaustion, a sense of never enough. These are yesses we need to examine. We need to ask ourselves Is this the best yes for me and the people I love?
We only have so much time and energy. A no or two or more will help us spend it on the people and things that matter most. I’ve had to learn this over and over again. And that’s okay. I’m never giving up on being the best version of me and that means learning to say no...or at least let me think about it.
How about you? Take a good look at all your commitments, your schedule, all the things you do. Is there a no you need to consider? You can do it, Mom. You can say no. You're still awesome. You're still loved!
Happy Blessed Mother’s Day,
Elise
P.S. I’d love you to get Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World. We really our getting rave reviews! Said one reader, "Taking a deep dive into their stories will have you sighing in agreement and reminded that Jesus truly is our hope! Grab a copy, you'll be glad you did!"
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Could you use a little more peace? The latest episodes of the MomVision Podcast feature my co-authors Jess Carey, Jodi Kinasewitz, and Michele Wilbert. They're sharing powerful stories about losing peace due to circumstances, stress, the stuff of life. Find out how you can find Unshakable Peace in an Unsteady World. Tune in!
Elise Daly Parker
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